In cruising the library, I stumbled upon a book I read some time ago, Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads. It’s the sort of book that might give you stomach cramps, but in the end, it’s comforting to know that someone is officially calling out these toxic personality types.
If you’re not familiar with the book, I’ll bet you’re familiar with its main characters. These are men and women who were, perhaps, the Rulers of their Schools when they were young. Or, maybe they were part of the downtrodden masses and are now trying to establish the authority and control they didn’t have growing up. Whatever their origins, these parents are always visible, always heard, and by gummit, Always Right. Their favorite topic is the (often misunderstood) brilliance and goodness of their children, followed closely by their second-favorite topic: themselves. Because they are completely lacking in self-awareness, they can’t be changed. They can only be endured.
I can offer no words of advice about how to handle encounters with such individuals. Of course, the archetypes are not limited to the parental realm – they show up just as readily in other life contexts. My m.o.? Avoidance and withdrawal. When those don’t work, I try the “la la la, I am not listening” tactic. None of these are particularly effective. The book has some better advice. I should probably re-read it.
10 Comments
January 23, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Oh, do those types ever show up in other parts of life. I agree with you. Avoiding them and trying to ignore them seems to work. While telling them off occasionally seems like an idea, I think it just feeds the flames and keeps them around longer.
I hope you don’t have to deal too many parents like that. I’m not sure how I’d handle that.
xo
January 23, 2009 at 4:42 pm
And, if avoidance doesn’t work, how about a good whack with the book?
January 23, 2009 at 8:30 pm
Will have to get. May know a few
January 23, 2009 at 9:33 pm
And the tune never changes. How do people get shaped that way?
January 24, 2009 at 12:54 am
Yay, Avoidance and Withdrawal!
January 24, 2009 at 7:13 am
I’ve been lucky and able to avoid those types among Hannah’s friends. At work, though, it’s a different story.
January 24, 2009 at 1:45 pm
Oh, good lord. I know them!
January 24, 2009 at 3:28 pm
It helps to keep knitting needles on your person at all times, pointy ones. But I like Cindy’s whack with the book idea.
January 24, 2009 at 8:10 pm
It’s trickier still to get past-over-around them when you are the teacher of their kids!
January 25, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Those parents are the main reason I no longer do much volunteering with the school.